heads up!

Just wanted to let you all know that I'm going to do most of my posting for the next while over at:

http://tardistraveler.blogspot.com

That blog will focus on my Scotland adventure preparation, and life when I am there... prayer requests, thoughts, general babbles, yada yada. I hope you'll follow me over.

I may still update this one till I leave, but I'm getting pretty busy so who knows!!

Blessings and peace,
Kim

living crazy

I have always been a dreamer. Lately, I've been dreaming more. I've been dreaming of having an opportunity to be fully myself and fully who God intended me to be. I also dream of being in Scotland, where my Celtic soul can blossom. I dream of many things, but my biggest dream is to be able to combine my love for the arts, for script writing, with my desire to serve and minister to people.

Who would have thought that when I had these two desires spark, that there could be a forseeable way to combine them? Here's a little historical account of where things are at:

Over a year ago, God placed a desire on my heart, a desire for ministry and to learn more about Him. During that time, I stumbled upon a site detailing information about something called an Operation Year, which happens with YWAM (Youth With A Mission) in Edinburgh, Scotland. I pushed it aside. I wasn't ready. I was afraid. But, around the same time as last year, THIS year, my heart was stirred again, and it was around that time that I received an email from someone at YWAM Edinburgh inquiring as to whether I was interested in coming to Scotland this year. Yeah. Nice timing, eh? And boy has my heart continued to do more than stir. It has sparked. There is a flame dancing inside me. It's crazy.

I have been asked to come to Edinburgh in August to help coordinate an event called SHINE. It's an arts ministry program which takes place in conjuction with the world renowned Edinburgh Fringe Festival . They have asked me to help run the program AND to write scripts for street teams... to tell stories of truth, and hope, and to challenge people's perspectives on morality and self.

Also, I am applying in faith for the Operation Year, which begins November 2007. For months I have been trying to put this out of my mind. I have been trying to make it go away. But I've had dreams, and 'random' mentions of Scotland, and basically... it won't leave me alone. I believe I am supposed to go, that I belong in Scotland with YWAM. And that now IS the time to go.

I finally talked to one of the programmers on Wednesday of this week, and I almost burst into tears on the phone. There's SO much possibility and so much cohesion and connection to where my heart is and wants/what I dream deep down at the core of me... and then some. They are even looking (soon) for a new coordinator 'Literary & Film'. A new position not even quite yet defined. Seriously. I have such little faith sometimes. God is amazing.

So. I am trusting God to send me and train me and use me and show me his wonders.

I am saying yes to crazy adventure. The TARDIS door is open and I'm running in.

And I'm hoping you can support me. I need pray with me for the next steps. I am praying and trusting for financial needs (as it costs many a British pound to go) and for all the crazy details of selling my stuff, closing things out here in TO, etc... you know? I'd love to have you pray along with me for the crazy adventure.

wow

The phone call from Edinburgh finally came.

I am so excited. And overwhelmed with wonder at how things are beginning to come together. And amazed at how my dreams (for writing & ministry) seem like they really can connect in such a crazy way. And in the U.K. of all places.

Would woulda thought. Really. Who?

Only God.

(more from me later)

waiting

Apparently this week is about waiting.

Waiting to sleep...
Waiting for the phone to ring...
Waiting for printers to get fixed...
Waiting for emails...
Waiting
Waiting
Waiting

But a friend finally stopped waiting for his baby to be born.
That's fantastic!

And I've seen the sunrise three times. Also fantastic.

And I saw a crazy awesome concert on Monday night.

I'm still waiting for that phone call. And still wondering about things. Still trying to fight the urge to sink out of the barbarian spirit into apathy... but I refuse to settle or give in to fear because of unknowns and waiting rooms.

Why twiddle your thumbs or pace... when you can dance or praise or sing or even just smile.

I have been listening to those three famous songs from U2's Joshua Tree album quite often lately. They're like my fight songs for when my soul is beginning to waver. Especially "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" and "Where the Streets Have No Name."

Do not surrender in the waiting room before the clock has run out. Do not fret and do not sink to the bowels of despair in the waiting room, even if your heart is aching or you cry out in sharp distress and pain. The door will open soon. It will be your turn to go. Just you wait.

Just you wait.

I want to run
I want to hide
I want to tear down the walls
that hold me inside
I want to reach out
and touch the flame
where the streets have no name...
Oh when I go there,
I go there with you
It's all I can do.

shout

In church, this morning... I went to a morning service somewhere different, somewhere not Freedomize... the entire time I had this urge to stand up and scream/shout: why are you so bloody civilized? Why all this talk of being 'spiritual' and me me me??

Among other things.

I am ready. I am really getting ready to rebel and do the crazy thing. I want to speak and write things and live the barbarian life with Jesus.

I do love my church, FT, where I am a member. The issue I think, and I only realized this while at a different church, is that I am not content with church in general. We all are failing to love each other, to do our best, and every single human is failing to be wholly who they should be and were created to be. We are not there yet. I am surely not.

But I want to live in that place of faith and saying yes yes yes when it makes no sense. I want to have joy when it seems like joy itself is insane. I have had that before, I want it again and more and I want to be a warrior for God for real. I want to have courage and boldness and the ability to speak wise, powerful words when He wants me to speak.

Oh goodness... what am I asking for? Eep.

I know I can't rush it, and I know the next few months here are important and I need them to finish my stuff, to tie up loose ends and let things be, and to still learn some things and make some money. And I have no idea how it'll feel to be on that plane in August, nor to step out onto Scottish soil, but man...

My soul is on fire within me. Even though I am tired and worn out by circumstance and by my mind and my heart. My soul knows. My soul waits. My soul burns. My soul yearns. My soul says--

GO

just keep swimming

Today I will be like Dori from Finding Nemo. I'm gonna just keep swimming, swimming, swimming...

I printed 5000 tickets today. Non-stop. Tickets tickets tickets. If only the printer didn't make one of the most annoying sounds on earth repeatedly. Ah well. 5000 tickets! That's progress, right?

I have continued in my emailing back and forth with Emma from YWAM about my forthcoming journey to Edinburgh and the possibility of me doing an Operation Year. Technically I can't afford it. Not by half. Darn those British Pounds being double Canadian dollars. But... I am applying anyway. Because. Well. I felt like I should read this book by Erwin McManus called The Barbarian Way. It's about adventuring with God. And un-tamed faith. It's about living a life of risk. The kind of life that isn't necessarily practical or comfortable or civilized. Funny, God.

So I am applying. I need to send some stuff to my doctor in Van. And I also need to get some passport size photos taken. And reference forms sent out. And... my goodness. I must be crazy.

Oh, and it seems like I may be coming on in August as the Co-coordinator for the arts ministry during Edinburgh Fringe. I also have been asked to write some things to be performed during that time. Yep, stuff to be performed at Fringe.

I am crazy. Crazy, crazy, crazy.

Bring on the adventure!

"I am an adventurer, looking for treasure"

I have begun to feel less like a boat floating on the open sea, and more like... a pilgrim, readying for a journey. This is good.

Today surprised me: tiny blessings piled up with sunshine and hope and the deep breath of friendship and conversation.

Yes. This is good.

Indeed.

Life is good.

(And I think it is about to get very interesting)

adventure

What if it's not at all what you think?
What if it is entirely different and so much better?

I am facing my fears. I am no longer a TCA box office person. I'm moving on. And I am afraid. But at least I am moving.

I start my Grand Prix job on Tuesday. It's going to be crazy, and that scares me too.

So much fear from one who longs to be an adventurer. The dichotomy of longing for change and adventure and the fear of actuality. Perhaps it is because my brain is trained to dream and not so much to communicate actuality. It is learning, but it still works out the most interesting scenarios for better or worse and mixes them in metaphors. And sometimes you just need to walk outside and smell the air without poetry.

But I love poetry.

I'm going to Scotland. I haven't bought my ticket yet, but I can feel it. And it's really scary and exciting. And makes my heart beat oh so fast. Ba boom ba boom ba boom...

I think today will be a good day.

I think I will take my notebook out and work on my Doctor Who.

The Doctor: We might die.
Martha: We might not.